It seems like everything was fine until that moment,this chapter starts in the end of august 2013,where there's a two people start a connection between each other and for your information this people is not the same gender,so probably between a man and a woman or might be a gay,nah im just kidding.
It's all start and came out of nowhere,everything just flow naturally and we were very excited at that moment,it was a experience like i've never had before in my life although it just short,but im just proud and didn't have any regrets on it.
We flirt like a fools,toying with each other feeling,it was just like at kindergarten,and it was kinda emotional for sure.The funny thing is that we were kinda awkward when we met,it was necessary i guess for a while,but for some time things moving forward as usual,i was trying to get more intimate with her day by day,things are going very well,it has been a long time since i've ever felt this feeling.
But when i know that she was just fulfilling her ego rather than caring about my situation,everything has change since that,from that day i was trying to backing off slowly and after that i was able to not to contact her again.
Since then i realize that i was too naive about this,realizing how idiot i was,it was like "i should've realizing this sooner" and after that im moving on,going out with some of my friends,doing workout,everything seems back to normal in a few weeks until i started to think about her again,well i don't know what this feelings are,is this hatred or something else,but i realized sometimes it hurts when i see her picture or maybe even hearing her name,i realize that there's a part of my pride which is gone,as a man i was embarassed,the feelings about being humiliated,being manipulated but i also remembered the good things which i have done with her,but for some reason it just hurts and i know this is not the first time i've being used like this,it makes me remember more about my dark past about how im being bullied,don't have anything to hold on and it just tortures me slowly but deep.
I don't want to hate someone,i know that this is about my mind but it just hard to see the fact that lies in front of me,but i try to open up my heart again to reality,that this is just a little experience that could make me tougher than before,that im gonna keep my oath as man,as a protector,decision maker,a leader,a dependable person who someone could count into and after a months or two i finally able to regain my pride as man,although sometimes suddenly she pops out to my mind,but im not taking it seriously,i just take it as a leftover of my past and i was able to move on.
Im happy right now,im walking with dignity,im more than a winner,im not indenial because of this experience,and it just makes me want to explore the world more and more and keep being transparent and use my brain and logic more .
You can judge me based on this story but i actually don't give a thing about your comment,after all you can't stop me being the best of my self.
Sincerely with honor
:)
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